Fear. Experience. Secrets. — Sample
Enjoy a two-chapter sneak peek of Fear. Experience. Secrets. — the first book in the trilogy following Kaleb Reid’s summer of love, loss, and self-discovery at Lake Cisco Youth Camp. This early glimpse is spoiler-free and meant to give readers a feel for Kaleb’s voice and journey.
© 2025 Asher Cross. All Rights Reserved. This preview may not be reproduced or distributed without permission.
Ahser Cross
Please enjoy the sample below, and comment your thoughts, ideas, and overall feelings. I can't wait to hear what others think of Kaleb's story!
Book Sample
CHAPTER ONE
Waking abruptly to a loud crash outside, Kaleb Reid sprang up from his dorm-room-style futon and rushed to the window. Pushing aside the blinds stuffed above the rattling air conditioner, he was relieved to see it was only his stepdad Jim working on a project in the yard. Exhaling, Kaleb shuffled back across the room and let himself fall lifelessly onto the creaky futon.
Like most eighteen-year-olds, Kaleb wasn’t much of a morning person. Groggy and reluctant to get up, he rolled onto his side and stared at the room he’d known for years.
The small bedroom was exactly what you’d expect in an old farmhouse that had been standing for at least the last sixty years. Dark wood paneling lined the walls, each board looking as though it held decades of “old man” stories. The hardwood floors groaned under every step, loudly enough to alert the whole house when someone was out of bed. They betrayed him now as his mom knocked on his door.
“Kaleb, are you up and ready?” Sarah’s voice rang out.
“Yes, I’m awake. I’ll be out in a minute,” he groaned back, his words heavy with reluctance.
Dragging himself upright, Kaleb sat on the edge of the futon, beginning his usual ritual of staring blankly at his surroundings. Instead of losing himself in the shadows of the old room, his thoughts drifted toward yesterday, his graduation day. The exhaustion still clung to him from everything that had unfolded: rehearsal, the ceremony, and, most of all, the party. A small smirk formed at his lips as he remembered. Not only was he finally free of high school and all its misery, but he was close to escaping the watchful eyes of his parents and the confinement of home.
The afterparty played back in his mind. Parents had organized a lock-in for the graduating class to keep them from roaming the backroads with booze or finding trouble. Kaleb had thought, Like they know us that well. We’d still find a way if we wanted to bad enough.
With only twelve seniors, the graduation ceremony had flown by. Three parents had volunteered to chaperone the party, their cars lined up to shuttle the graduates. Kaleb piled into Sam’s mom’s car with Sam, Emily, and Madison. It made perfect sense that the four of them would ride together, as they’d spent the last two years of high school side by side on the cheer squad.
Kaleb himself hadn’t joined willingly. Coach Jackie had convinced him to sign up, pointing out he could be the team’s mascot since the school required at least one extracurricular. Kaleb wasn’t athletic by any stretch; he was a nerd at heart, happiest tinkering with computers. His lanky six-foot frame might have fit basketball, but the coaches had never shown much interest in him, and football was out of the question.
When they arrived at Sam’s house, Kaleb was surprised by how much effort had gone into the party. Graduation-themed decorations, strings of lights, and a bonfire roaring high into the night sky gave the place a festive glow. Growing up in Creek Bend had its perks with vast Texas land, wide open skies, and no nearby neighbors meant everyone could be loud and free.
Sam’s cottage-style house sat on a hill that offered breathtaking sunrises, but tonight the view was the fire.
“Y’all don’t do anything stupid. And if you break something, I’ll break your asses!” Sam’s mom barked, though the smirk on her face softened the threat.
Kaleb grabbed a Boone’s Farm bottle from the cooler of parent picked out drinks and joined his classmates on tailgates around the fire. They traded stories, teasing each other about high school memories. Kaleb, always wary of being the butt of a joke, stayed quiet and laughed along from the sidelines.
Headlights suddenly cut through the night, blinding them.
“It’s about damn time!” one of the classmate jocks called out across the fire.
About time? Who else is coming? I thought the rest went with family, Kaleb wondered.
A large four-door farm truck screeched to a stop, its brakes groaning in protest.
“Oh, it’s Jace. Finally!” Sam said.
Kaleb perked up immediately, watching as Jace slid effortlessly from the passenger seat. Jace was one of the jocks, but unlike the others, he was different; funny, eccentric, always the class clown. He had transferred to Creek Bend High only two years ago, but he’d managed to fit in seamlessly.
“What up, bitches?!” Jace shouted as he strolled toward the bonfire.
Kaleb’s eyes followed him, tracing the outline of his figure, trying to see where the tank top ended and the shorts began.
Kaleb had nursed a crush on Jace since the day he transferred. There was just something about him. Shorter than most of the guys, Jace stood at five-foot-five, stocky and muscular, with broad shoulders and thick thighs. His darker features hinted at Mexican heritage, though no one had never asked.
“What’s up, sexy?” Jace grinned as he hopped onto the tailgate next to Kaleb.
“Just been waiting on that fine ass to get here,” Kaleb shot back, smirking.
The two often bantered like this, especially since Kaleb’s secret had come out.
For years, he’d been tormented with names: “gay,” “fag,” every cruel word high school could invent. He always denied it, too embarrassed to admit the truth, too scared of what his family would think. But during the senior trip a couple months earlier, it had all come out during a game of Truth or Dare. Kaleb had chosen truth, as he wasn’t about to risk a dare from the jocks, and the question had been direct. He could have lied, but part of him was too tired of carrying the weight.
Much to his surprise, his classmates had taken it well, almost too well. The name-calling stopped, and some even defended him. Jace most of all. The shift left Kaleb feeling lighter than he ever had before.
As the night wore on, classmates either crashed on the floor inside or snuck off into the nearby brush in pairs. From across the yard, faint moans carried through the night.
“I hope they’re using condoms. Those idiots aren’t smart enough to have a kid,” Kaleb whispered to Jace with a wise crack.
“Guess we’ll find out in nine months,” Jace joked back.
“Hey, you got an empty soda can handy?” Jace asked suddenly.
Kaleb wrinkled his nose. “Eww, you trying to chew that crap?”
“Nah, dude. Need it for something else.”
Digging through the bed of the truck, Kaleb found an empty beer can and handed it over. He watched as Jace poked holes with a pocketknife and shaped it into a makeshift pipe.
“You wanna try it?” Jace asked, loading the very pungent herb.
“Sure, I guess. Never tried it before.”
Jace lit up, taking a long drag and exhaling a thick cloud. Kaleb followed his instructions, only to burst into a coughing fit that doubled him over while Jace laughed hysterically.
“Dude, what the hell? Why do people like that?” Kaleb wheezed.
“Just wait. You’ll see,” Jace said with a grin.
Minutes later, they both felt the haze settling in. Kaleb tried to focus on the glowing embers of the dying fire, but his eyes kept drifting back to Jace, his tank top, the chest hair peeking out, the lines of his body. Why am I staring like this? He’ll notice. He will get freaked out.
“You feeling it yet?” Jace asked, his words sluggish, like he was speaking in slow motion.
“Why are you talking in slow motion?” Kaleb laughed.
“Sounds like you’re feeling it.”
Kaleb’s thoughts spun out. Look at him. Damn, I’d give anything to touch him, feel his body. But he kept a poker face, muttering only, “Yeah, I think so. Not bad.”
From the brush nearby came louder moans.
“Dude, they’re totally doing it,” Jace said excitedly. “Lucky them.”
Hell yeah, lucky them, Kaleb thought.
“So… you’re really gay, huh?” Jace asked quietly leaning closer.
“Ugh, yes. Why does everyone keep asking me like that?” Kaleb snapped.
“Sorry, man. I didn’t mean it like that. I was just wondering… I’ve never tried anything with a dude. But I kind of always wanted to try it”.
Kaleb’s pulse spiked. No way he just said that. Is this a prank? Am I about to get set up?
“Wait, are you serious? How do I know you and the others aren’t trying to mess with me—” Kaleb started, but Jace shushed him.
“I was just curious what it’d be like to you know… get head from another guy. I’ve heard it’s better. But no one can know.”
“Prove this isn’t a prank,” Kaleb demanded.
Jace tugged down his gym shorts, revealing his arousal. Kaleb’s breath caught as his own body reacted instantly.
“C’mon. Will you do it?” Jace asked, eyes almost innocent.
“This better stay between us,” Kaleb muttered as he leaned in.
Kaleb moved carefully, every motion intended, every breath measured. He wanted to be sure he was doing it right, listening to Jace’s quiet sounds for confirmation. Each soft exhale, each low hum sent a pulse through Kaleb’s chest that felt unreal, as if he were caught somewhere between a dream and a confession.
For years he’d imagined what it might feel like to be this close, to be wanted this way, and now that it was happening, he could hardly believe it wasn’t a fantasy he’d wake from any second.
When Jace’s hand came to rest on the back of his head, a rush of warmth and panic surged through him. The nearness, the trust, it was almost too much. Kaleb’s mind spun with a thousand questions he wasn’t ready to answer: What happens now? Do I spit or swallow? How is that damn joke even valid right now? It was the kind of ridiculous thought that shouldn’t have made him try grin in the middle of everything yet somehow did. The weight of it all built like a rising tide, pressing against the edges of the moment, until it shattered in an instant when—
“Hey, you guys still up?” a classmate’s voice suddenly called, ripping the moment apart like a band-aid.
Kaleb and Jace jerked upright, scrambling to look casual. Inside, Kaleb seethed. Son of a bitch. You’ve got to be kidding me.
By two in the morning, the haze had worn off, along with the Boone’s Farm, and excitement. Jace continued joking with the other classmate, to the point of what seemed like no end.
Disappointed, Kaleb decided to go home instead of staying with the other classmates. Lucky for him, his house was only about 2 miles down from Sam’s. He walked the dirt road home under the cool Texas sky. His thoughts churned angrily. Was that real? The only chance of that ever to happen is now blown, ugh.
He slipped quietly through the rusty screen door of his parents’ old farmhouse, after all in the middle of nowhere, the doors were rarely locked.
Collapsing onto his futon, Kaleb stripped off his clothes and sighed into the dark. I’m so ready to leave this place. To be myself. To stop hiding. I can’t wait for camp, no lingering eyes.
Sleep pulled him under, disappointment mixing with the smallest spark of hope.
CHAPTER TWO
Kaleb stood, fumbling through the pile of clothes on his floor until he found a clean pair of shorts and a wrinkled T-shirt. His mind spun in circles, replaying every second of the night before. Was that Jace’s plan all along? The thought made his stomach twist, not out of regret, but from a messy mix of shock, disappointment, and pride he couldn’t untangle. The moment had been interrupted before it could finish, yet it lingered like a splinter under his skin.
Camp was less than three days away, but it was the unfinished moment with Jace that occupied every corner of his mind. He told himself to focus on packing, on moving forward, but each time he tried, his thoughts drifted right back to the memory that refused to fade.
Still lost in thought, Kaleb stepped into the kitchen and was greeted by his mom. Sarah was more than just his mother — she was his best friend, someone he could confide in about nearly anything. Nearly. As badly as he wanted to tell her about Jace, he couldn’t. Not when it was still a secret too fragile to say aloud.
Sarah was busy as always, though these days her attention seemed to drift more toward her new husband, Jim. Kaleb’s feelings toward Jim were complicated. He appreciated that his mom was happy, but he just never really clicked with him. After so many years of just being him and Sarah, it was hard to accept anyone else as part of their family. Jim, a retired military sergeant, didn’t always understand the easy bond between Kaleb and his mom. At times, it almost felt like Jim was trying to destroy it.
“Well, how was the party? And how did you get home?” Sarah asked, her brow raised with curiosity.
“It was fun. Most of the class was there. We just sat around the bonfire. I got tired around two this morning, and everyone else was passing out, so I just walked home,” Kaleb explained.
“Ah, just like your momma,” Sarah said with pride. “I need your help with a few things today before you make plans. After that, Jim and I are going out tonight.”
Frustrated at the surprise chores, Kaleb sighed but agreed.
While raking leaves in the yard later, Kaleb’s phone buzzed nonstop. Who the hell is blowing up my phone? he muttered, digging it from his pocket.
It was a group text from Sam, sent to him, Jace, and a few other classmates. They were planning one last night out together: dinner and a movie.
Kaleb’s stomach dropped. I can’t go to that. It’ll be too awkward with Jace. What would he even think? Probably just ignore it or treat me like everyone else does.
“What’s that?” Sarah asked.
“Sam wants us all to go to the movies tonight since it’s the last time we’ll probably get to hang out,” Kaleb explained, waving his phone.
“That’s understandable. We won’t be here tonight, so go. Especially since you leave for camp soon,” Sarah said.
“I guess so. Besides, once I’m off to college, I may never see any of them again,” Kaleb teased with a crooked grin.
Sarah smirked back. “Very funny. Go ahead and do your thing, I’ve got this.”
Kaleb turned on the shower and kept scrolling through the replies. Everyone had answered — except Jace. On the surface, Kaleb hoped Jace wouldn’t come, but deep down, the lack of reply left his nerves uneasy.
Standing under the hot water, Kaleb let the cloud of steam blur into his thoughts. Why do I suddenly feel so drawn to Jace? It wasn’t love, he knew that much, but something had changed. The kind of pull you get when someone sees you differently for the first time. Jace had always been the one to defend him, to joke with him, to make even the worst days feel lighter. Maybe this was just that same comfort twisted into something new.
Still, the thought made him uneasy. Jace wasn’t gay. He didn’t want a boyfriend, didn’t even act like last night meant anything more than a moment between curious teens. And maybe that was fine, tomorrow, Kaleb would be heading to west Texas for camp and then college. New places, new people. Still, as the water rushed over him, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something about last night had changed everything, whether he wanted it to or not.
He groaned at his reflection in the foggy mirror. “Ugh, get your head in shape, Kaleb.”
By the time he finished, the group had nailed down the movie, and dinner spot, a burger joint in the parking lot of the theater. Kaleb dressed, grabbed his keys, and headed for his truck.
The black Ford F-150, passed down by his grandfather, wasn’t new but it was his pride. Backing out of the driveway, he waved at his mom, who was knee-deep in another yard project. Hitting the dirt road, he rolled down the windows, cranked up the radio, and let the rush of teenage freedom carry him. For once, he felt like he belonged.
As highway hypnosis set in, memories of being the new kid in Creek Bend crept in as he drove. His freshman year had been miserable, transferring after Sarah married Jim and moved them across towns. Being “the new kid” in high school was brutal, the judgmental stares, the whispers, even the teachers’ skepticism.
Until he met Amber.
She had transferred in halfway through the first semester, tiny and blonde, bursting into their agriculture class with so much energy that even the teacher seemed thrown.
“Hi, who are you?” she’d demanded, eyes bright.
“I’m Kaleb,” he’d said, louder than he meant to.
Instantly, they’d been inseparable. She was the first person he ever told his secret to. Her reaction was nothing but a fierce hug and wide grin, which gave him the courage to keep going. They’d joked, laughed, and even had those painfully awkward conversations about things Kaleb barely understood. She’d been the first safe space he had, one he missed every day of his senior year, since Amber graduated the previous year.
Forty-five minutes later, Kaleb pulled into the theater parking lot near the burger place, where his classmates were already gathered. Guilt washed over him. What if they knew? Would Jace have told them? Could it have been a cruel prank?
“Damn, Kaleb, about time. I’m starving,” Sam called.
Kaleb chuckled nervously, scanning the group. Jace wasn’t there. Before he could stop himself, the words slipped out: “Where’s Jace? Is he coming?”
“Aww, miss your boyfriend?” a jock shouted from the back of the group.
Heat rushed to Kaleb’s face, as he dismissed the comment.
“Probably not,” Sam said. “You know how his aunt is. If he didn’t ride with us, he’s not coming.”
Jace had been sent to live with his aunt when he transferred to Creek Bend High, and everyone knew she was strict, after all she worked at the school. Kaleb forced a smile, secretly relieved, and secretly disappointed.
The group crammed into a booth that was way too small, ate greasy burgers, and walked to the theater. Inside, the usual chaos filled the rows until a figure stepped into the aisle, scolding them.
“Be quiet or leave!”
The silhouette moved closer, and then Kaleb’s heart leapt. It was Jace, grinning at his prank.
Kaleb lit up, especially as the only open seat was beside him.
“Hey sexy, I was wondering when you’d show,” Kaleb teased.
“What’s up, dude,” Jace said flatly, sliding into the seat.
The seriousness rattled Kaleb. Dammit, now it’s weird. I knew this would happen.
As the lights dimmed, Kaleb risked a whisper. “You alright? You seem off.”
“Yeah. Just a lot on my mind,” Jace murmured, eyes fixed on the screen.
Kaleb’s heart sank. He regrets it. He thinks it was a mistake, or is it something else?
Kaleb spent the rest of the movie lost in thought, laughing when the others did just to keep up appearances.
When the movie ended, the group lingered by the bathrooms, chatting about their favorite parts and plot. But the mood shifted. The weight of goodbye sank in hard. They’d been classmates for years, practically family, and now they were scattering across the country to jobs and colleges.
Outside, everyone exchanged hugs. Only three lived out in the country: Kaleb, Jace, and one other classmate.
“Mind if I ride with you?” Jace asked, his voice sincere.
Kaleb’s thoughts stumbled. Crap, I don’t want to talk about last night. This will be awkward.
“Well, dude? Is that cool?” Jace repeated, snapping him back.
“Oh—yeah. It’s cool. I pass your place anyway,” Kaleb said quickly.
Reaching across the old Ford 150, Kaleb pulled up the lock on the passenger door. Jace climbed into the truck, getting comfy as if it was a road trip.
They drove in near silence, the radio pouring out nothing but breakup songs like salt on Kaleb’s nerves. Finally, Jace laughed. “Why are all these damn songs always about breaking up?”
His usual tone was back, and Kaleb exhaled with relief.
As they turned down the final stretch toward Jace’s house, Kaleb debated whether to bring up last night. Before he could, Jace spoke.
“Sooo… last night was fun, huh?”
Excitement, curiosity, and fear shot through Kaleb. “Yeah, till Daniel had to interrupt.”
“Seriously. I was right there, then he had to ruin it,” Jace agreed.
A short awkward silence fell between them again. This is so awkward. No alcohol or beer-can pipe this time, Kaleb thought.
But right on cue, Jace broke the silence. “It was awesome. I mean, I’m not gay, but I’d be down to do it again.”
“Really?!” Kaleb blurted out, a little too eagerly.
“Oh yeah, for sure. Plus, I need to return the favor,” Jace said as he slid across the bench seat toward Kaleb. Before Kaleb could react, Jace was tugging at his belt until it finally unbuckled.
There’s no way this is happening. Is he about to do what I think he is? Kaleb’s thoughts raced as Jace reached into his shorts, exposing him. Kaleb was already in action mode, his teenage hormones surging. Jace studied him with a look that felt like admiration, his hand lingering before leaning in.
Kaleb, still focused on the road, gasped at the sudden warm pressure. Nerves, fear, and pleasure tangled together, and his thoughts went quiet as the moment took over.
As Kaleb gave in, the rumble strips on the highway jolted the truck, snapping him back. “Damn, I can’t concentrate on the road!” he laughed nervously.
“We’re almost to my house anyway,” Jace said, sliding back to his seat.
Disappointment filled as Kaleb tried to close his shorts, grumbling at the awkward bend.
“Hey, pull over next to my driveway,” Jace demanded, pointing to the dark ditch.
Worry flared in Kaleb’s chest, but he guided the truck onto the shoulder, the old brakes whining to a stop.
“Have you ever… you know, taken it?” Jace asked as Kaleb shut off the engine.
“You mean, like… up—? Uh, no. Never have,” Kaleb stammered, nervous yet intrigued.
“We don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’ve just been curious to try it,” Jace explained.
Kaleb’s thoughts tangled. Do I really let this happen? What if it’s weird? What if it’s not? What about protection? He swallowed hard and said, “Sure… we can try. I’ve always been curious too.”
Jace didn’t hesitate. He kicked off his shorts and shirt, the air between them suddenly thick and nervous. Seeing Jace like that made Kaleb’s chest tighten and his brain short-circuit. He followed, fumbling more than he wanted to admit, heat rushing to his face.
Neither of them knew exactly what to do. The moment filled with a mix of excitement and pure inexperience. Jace moved closer, brushing against him, and the sudden contact sent a jolt through Kaleb. There was a pause—too long, too quiet—then Jace mumbled, “Is it okay, not too fast?”
Kaleb almost laughed, half from nerves, half from disbelief. “No—I think I’m good,” he whispered.
Everything that followed was clumsy, unsure, a blur of breath and heat and quick apologies. They tried to match each other’s rhythm, shifting and adjusting until it started to feel almost natural. There were small gasps, quick glances, a few ow, wait, okay now it’s fine moments that made them both grin through the awkwardness.
When everything finished, they just sat there, both their bodies sweaty, breathless, not making eye contact. The silence was thick with the question neither dared to ask: Now what?
“Oh my God, that was… freaking hot,” Jace exhaled, still catching his breath as he leaned back against the seat.
Kaleb twisted awkwardly, reaching for his shorts. “Yeah. That was… amazing. Damn.”
Questions rushed in faster than he could stop them. Was this just because he was horny? Did it mean anything? What if it did?
Jace, half-dressed again, looked over. “Oh—do you want me to, uh, help you finish?”
“Um, I think I’m good,” Kaleb said quickly, fumbling with his shirt. “Honestly, it feels like I already did.”
Jace laughed, running a hand through his hair. “That was wild. I don’t even know how to describe it.”
The cab light flicked on as Jace opened the door, sliding down from the old truck. Shirtless and grinning, he walked around to Kaleb’s side and leaned on the window frame.
“I don’t know when we’ll see each other again,” he said, softer now. “But that was fun. Maybe we can… do it again sometime.”
Before Kaleb could think of what to say, Jace leaned in and kissed him, a quick warm, brief, but deep enough to leave Kaleb’s heart pounding.
Then it was over.
“Thanks for the ride home,” Jace said with a half-smile, stepping back into the dark. “I’ll see you later.”
Kaleb sat frozen, fingers tight around the steering wheel as Jace disappeared up the driveway. The kiss, the touch, the sound of his voice, everything all replayed on a loop in his head. What does this even mean? Was it just a thank-you? Or something more?
He started the engine, headlights cutting through the quiet country road, and drove into the night, unaware it would be the last time he ever saw Jace.